Washington Post Neologisms

This is from an e-mail I received. I thought I would share.

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

Incantation

I have a rule when I'm reading a book. If I'm not into a book after 50 pages I put it down. There's no point in reading a book you don't like. That being said, I was excited to pick up this book. I've heard great things about Alice Hoffman and it's about the persecution of Jews during 16th century Spain. Sounds great. It's just so slow! Usually, if a kid isn't sold on a book by the second chapter there's no hope of redemption. I gave this about six chapters and 56 pages and it was way too many. That sounds harsh, but I'm not going to waste my time with a boring book. Sorry Alice. Not my favorite.

Identical

This is a very difficult book to read, but very good as well. It deals with the heavy subject of sexual abuse and its effects on teens. The format of this book although typical of Ellen Hopkins, is not what you normally see. It is written in free verse poetry. The two main characters, Kaleigh and Raeanne are identical twins and much of the poetry is for two voices. This is a book that stays with you. I could not put it down (I stayed up until 11:30 reading it when I normally go to bed around 10) and I cannot stop thinking about what happened to the girls. Definitely an R rated book. Between the two of them they deal with drugs, sex, cutting, bulimia and anorexia on top of the sexual abuse. It's not a book for all people but if you can get through it, worth the while.

The Willoughbys

"I have learned over the course of many years that it is a bad idea, usually, to investigate piteous weeping but always a fine thing to look into a giggle." The Willoughbys by Lois Lowry 

Lois Lowry is by far my favorite children's author and what makes her special is her versatility. You have the Giver trilogy which is dark and insightful, you have Gossamer which is sweet, Number the Stars which is a great historical fiction and now The Willoughbys which is a hilarious, witty parody on "old fashioned" stories. I usually don't laugh out loud while I read. Usually it's more of an internal chuckle, but not with this book. I was LOLing all over the place. The vocabulary is exquisite. She adds GRE level words (with a glossary at the back) to add to the parody. She also incorporates lots of "old fashioned" stories (and includes a bibliography in the back too.) A very quick read but well worth it.

If I'm not here tomorrow.....

Cross my Heart and Hope to Spy

This is one of the cutest books for adolescent girls.  (Or grown ups if you're like me.)  It is the sequel to I'd Tell You I Loved You but then I'd Have to Kill You, both by Ally Carter. The third in the series, Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover comes out in June.   It's about Cammie Morgan who goes to the Gallagher Academy, a spy school for girls. In this one there is the added pressure of the Blackthorne Academy (the spy school for boys) joining the girls for training and ops.  My students are in love with these books. I can't keep them on my shelves.  (Which isn't an issue anymore as I closed my classroom library. One student thought it would be a good idea to make a hollow book out of one of them and took a box cutter in it. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they would do that to a book they didn't own, the fact that they probably had a box cutter at school, or the fact that they were probably carrying something shady in the book!) One of my favorite parts is that they every day in the cafeteria they are told the language they have to speak. One day it's German the next French and then Japanese. If I had to choose I'd much rather go to Hogwarts, but still, I love these books.  

The Graveyard Book

So, I'm a little behind the times here. I was reading Neil Gaiman's Blog and realized that The Graveyard Book won this year's Newberry.  I was already wanting to read it, because come on, it's Neil Gaiman, but now I'm doubly excited to read it.  Making a trip to Barnes and Noble after school. I'm telling myself I can't read it until I get through my chapter on bibliographies.  The chapter on dictionaries I didn't mind.  Encyclopedias, OK. Bibliographies? It doesn't get drier than that.  It's also 3:41 and I can't sleep.  

It's Coraline. Not Caroline.

Yea Neil Gaiman. One of my favorite books is now a movie and quite a good movie at that. I went to see it Saturday with my friend Brittany. She had never read the book but also enjoyed it. It was one of the best movie adaptations I've seen. Although there's an extra character it does not take away from the story. (In the book we are privy to Coraline's thoughts. Hard to do lots of that in a movie, so the Whybie character adds that element to the story.) The Other Mother is portrayed exactly as I pictured in the book. The imagry is fabulous. If you are in the mood for a dark, clever book/movie Coraline is the way to go.

Coraline Trailer

The Maelstrom

That's what my 5000 professor called my 5600 class. And boy was he right.  It's more work than I ever imagined, but I'm loving it.  I signed up for 5 hours only knowing what undergrad was like, thinking that it wouldn't be that much.  When I walked in and received a one inch notebook (the syllabus) I was rudely awoken.  The material is so interesting and I'm loving it, it's just about the amount of work of 3 undergrad classes.  So, I should really get back to reading now. 

Love to all,

Mere